It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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