Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
