Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
