I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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