i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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