Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i think i just lost a toe
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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