he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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