I have demons in me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
