3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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