If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
