Is it because I queefed?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
