Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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