I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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