i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
