I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Text me some of your sweat
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
