thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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