I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
