no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I want is dick and wine.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
