dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
