He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
