Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize