On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
