I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I came so hard my ears popped.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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