I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
