I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I think i got beer on your cat.
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