a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
