I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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