Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
