i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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