I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
