Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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