My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
