Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
