ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
