Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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