Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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