Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
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he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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