Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize