i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
