just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
