I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
