C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
