did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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