I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
