Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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