i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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