Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
