I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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