Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
