So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
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I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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