you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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