He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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