Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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