Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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