Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
