her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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