apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You don't make any sense
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