Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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