Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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