the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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