all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
