it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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