You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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