Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
