I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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