if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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