So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
