i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
