'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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