Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
