we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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