you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
