he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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