Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's blow job season.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
