So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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