just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
