I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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