I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
