He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize