took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
