btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
