So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Pants 0. Shit 1.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
