So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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