Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
